Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category
Cherry Blossom – A Collaboration
I recently did a short story exercise from Caffeine for the Creative Mind: 250 Exercises to Wake Up Your Brain
Personal Story – How to Give Up Smoking
My personal story of how I quit smoking falls in line with the tradition of Morgan Spurlock (Supersize me, 30 days). I’m not sure, maybe he even did something like this in his 30 day series. If he hasn’t, well Morgan… go ahead and steal my idea, it’s a good one especially considering the barrage of anti-smoking campaigns presently hitting the American public.
Anyway, I did an experiment where I became a smoker for about a month. Actually, I didn’t set out to do an experiment, it just turned out that way. The more I smoked, the more I found myself craving cigarettes. I started with a pack a week and then increased my intake to a pack every 2-3 days. My entire involvement with cigarettes went on for about 30 days.
When I noticed my cravings for nicotine growing, I decided to find out what I was in for if I suddenly quit smoking. I didn’t use any “quit smoking” products, I just stopped — “cold turkey” as they say. Here is my story of how I gave up smoking.
Day 1 - Quitting pride is on my side.(Imagining this jingle) In the past, I smoked mostly in the evenings so that’s when my cravings are the worst. The cravings are on/off throughout the day but the evenings are the worst. My God, this is the worst! Not really though ’cause I’m going to be smoke free! It’s easy for me to be my own cheerleader at this point, a cheerleader that sings little jingles for myself. Rah, rah, rah!
Day 2 – Quitting pride is fading. Stupid cheerleader metaphor, just give me a smoke already. I picture myself smoking in my imagination, a persistent vision I can’t seem to shake. I don’t want to say my thoughts to smoke are like a broken record because that’s a lame metaphor, uh yeah, like something else I just mentioned. Glad you’re still reading!
Day 3 – Pride gone, I need to smoke. This is all just ridiculous. I go out for a walk and see discarded cigarette butts everywhere. People are smoking, even the people who aren’t smoking seem to be smoking. I wish people would stop doing things with their hands/fingers. I look away from them, anywhere I can. I look to the sky. The clouds above me resemble plumes of smoke.
“It’s all in your head,” as they say, but the problem is that you’re head is a pretty significant part of you’re body and you can’t get rid of it easily.
Day 4 – The urges are still there but not quite as bad as yesterday. At least not until the urges come back and they’re toting guns, smoking cigars, and pointing them at me (both the guns and the cigars). I can’t believe I committed to this experiment for 7 days! Really, I surrender, I’ll smoke a fucking God-damn cigarette already! But before I can get my hands on some, the psychic smoking gunslingers disappear and I’m off the hook.
If this blog post can be of inspiration to anyone trying to quit, one tip I have for you: Do not make cigarettes available at your immediate convenience. If you do, you’ll lose this game, I promise.
Day 5 – The urges to smoke are not quite as bad as yesterday. I guess I use that statement a lot to get me through this quit smoking experience; “Today’s better than yesterday”.
That said, I hear an arabic sounding jingle on the radio and it takes me back to the design on the box of Camel Cigarettes. I’m in a foreign land, enjoying the robust flavor of a fine, hand rolled tobacco product. The gunslingers are there, riding camels. We all shake our heads in approval of the cigarettes we smoke. The vision vanishes but my urge to smoke doesn’t.
“Just hang in there — two more days to go!”
Day 6 – Cashier in the checkout stand catches me eyeing the cigarettes behind her and asks me if I want some. I say I’m trying to quit. “Oh, good for you.” she says. “Whatever you do, don’t start up again after you quit.”
I gave her a curious look but had no comment. It was interesting advice, and I’m thinking she must have been a reformed quitter because earlier she mentioned she was a smoker.
I get home and sit on the back porch where I usually smoke. I have the thought that one puff would be nice. Just one and I’d put the rest of the cigarette out. If someone was standing near me with a cigarette I would do this and the 7 day quit thing would become a flop.
Day 7 - Okay, done with this little experiment — I’m leaving the house now to buy another pack of cigarettes! Actually, I’m having second thoughts about this because I don’t want to experience this “quit smoking” cycle again. It doesn’t seem worth it to me. Second thoughts are priceless.
And… I want to hold onto those valuable second thoughts because buying smokes is not priceless. A pack of cigarettes will typically go for more than $5.00 and the kind I took a liking to cost $5.89 a pack — yep, a jip!
Anyway, no cigarettes for me, not today. And as I write this in the evening, having reached my goal, I’m still craving a smoke. Addictive? Uh… Yeah. I have cravings today that rival day 3, even though the urge to smoke has subsided quite a bit.
I know it sounds cliche to say “be smart don’t start,” but if you’re still reading this then you probably don’t mind silly cliche’s and can hopefully extract some wisdom from all this. So while we’re on the subject, how ’bout “Oh shit, just quit!” when you’re thinkin about the costs of cigarettes. Go ahead, sing it if you want, I won’t tell anyone. I won’t even think you’re lame!
But seriously, I support anyone who chooses to quit smoking, or better yet not start. Of course you’ll need more than my support, you’ll need your own reasons to avoid smoking and that’s where things can get complex and personal.
As I mentioned before, I did not start smoking to do this “quit smoking” experiment. I started because I thought it would help me relieve stress. Smoking was helpful for stress relief in the beginning, but then I found it to be less and less helpful — It over promised and under delivered. Cigarettes gave me relief from my stress by offering me a brief feeling of well being. It’s a feeling of satisfaction that faded the more I smoked. I needed more, yet got less and less — yep, a jip!
Now, as far as dealing with my stress goes… I still haven’t solved that problem. Unmanageable stress is a personal issue for me. That’s another blog post though. Until then, “be smart don’t start” and “oh shit, just quit”! Here’s another web article that I thought offered some good tips on how to quit smoking.
And please, I want to hear from you! So feel free to leave a comment if you liked or didn’t like my story on how to give up smoking.
5 Question Coffee
A surly woman sold me a cup of coffee today. When I approached her I asked for a small french roast. She followed up with 5 questions.
“Would you like to try our Sumatra? It’s the only thing we have right now.”
“Sure, thanks.” I said.
“Would you like to have a grande size for 20 cents more?”
“No thanks.”
“Would you like room for cream.”
“That’d be great.” I said thinking this would be the last question, but she had more up her sleeve. Her piercing dark eyes staring me down.
“Would you like a cookie or a cupcake?”
“No, that’s okay.”
“Would you like to use your discount card today?”
“No, I don’t have one and don’t want to buy one, thanks.”
A few minutes passed before the woman behind the counter handed me my coffee. I felt like I had really earned this cup, it was not handed over easily. I dubbed it my cup of “5 question coffee.” I would enjoy it, just like I enjoyed thinking about how I might annoy this woman the next time she sells me a cup of coffee. I would have 5 questions for her:
1) “Would you like me to take out my wallet now?”
2) “Would you like to choose a bill denomination? I have a 1, 5, 10, and 20.”
3) “Would you like exact change? (I could again recite the coins from my pocket, penny through quarter.
4) “Would you like to smile when you sell me coffee?” (She didn’t smile the whole time, not once)
5) “Would you like me to smile?” (because I feel like giving you the finger!)
I write this blog post with a smile because I can’t help but do so when I think of my own 5 questions. I also have to take a moment of gratitude to think about all the other simple $ transactions I take for granted. Sometimes it takes an experience like this to notice.
Ahhh… 5 question coffee.
A Farside cartoon come to life – Watch the short film!
“Wild Pasture” is an eight minute documentary film on a species that is commonly overlooked in our society. These animals are generally peaceful creatures, but the males have been known to be dangerous on occasion. They can stampede and crush you, so that makes them excellent subjects for a documentary film… sort of.
The film’s inspiration took place as I was gathering some b-roll footage of a barn and silo for a separate project I was working on. I set up my camera in the field and looked through the lens to frame the shot. When I looked up, 25 of the animals were surrounding me.
It was a shock, I was terrified. I picked up my tripod and camera and waved it over my head in an attempt to look more threatening. Luckily, it worked and I escaped what I thought could be a very dangerous situation. I made a short film from the experience and it was a success!
This short premiered in the Sundance film festival in 2002 and for a while it was receiving a lot of attention. I have revived it for viewing on the Internet, so please help spread the word by sending it to all your friends!
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